Lea - Lioness

whatmyheartneeds:

Stephen Colbert on Obama Administration’s Birth Control Mandate:

That’s right. Free government birth control for all the ladies. Don’t forget. Reset your watches and check your calendars, because it is now whore o’clock on the first day of Skanktuary. Today, every woman in America reported to their local Planned Parenthood to be hooked up to the Yaz force-feeding tube like a sex-crazed, foi groi goose. So, lock your doors guys, because these gangs of hot-blooded sluts are marauding the streets. They rule the night, and they seek the life essence. Of course, birth control means no more American children, and I think that was the whole idea. Leaves our women all the more free time to take the Looselady Express to Bonetown Junction.

Worst of all, if you’re a regular viewer of this show you know that this year MAXIM magazine listed me as on the 100 Hottest Women in the World. So, evidently I’ve got no choice. Here we go. I’m not sure what a dose is. Bottoms up. I’m sad… God, I’m retaining so much water. I’m a cow… Man, this is gonna be rough.

Anyway, ladies. Try to fight your birth control induced sex cravings. Just remember Mitch McConnell, and if that doesn’t keep you from having sex, I don’t know what will. (X)

(via fuckyeahstevejonandstephen)